A Derelict's Guide to Buying a Car
Have you ever made a split second decision about something totally improbable and just fucking went for it?
Like, 5 years ago when I decided to sober up and never looked back. Or, 4 years ago when I quit smoking. The my-life’s-gonna-change-in-a-moment choices that take every ounce of your courage to pull the trigger on. Well, last week I decided to buy a new car, without a dollar in the bank.
It was Friday morning to be exact. I had just gotten in from a trip to Miami – a 3 to 4 hour drive – and my fucking gas tank cover fell off. Plop. Onto the ground. As I stood there staring at it in a silent stupor (it had rotted out), I couldn’t help but feel pathetic. That was the final straw.
My Not So Good History with Cars
Wasn’t it enough that I’d spent the past 8 years driving around like an asshole in a bright red beater with dents, scrapes and uh-ohs from my party days? Almost a decade later, I was still paying for my poor decisions in the form of apologetic shame, every time I pulled in anywhere.
The truth. My car was so beat up, that I would park two blocks away whenever I had a client meeting, or down the street when I pulled up to a friend’s house. I even thought that I wouldn’t be worthy of dating someone successful because I wasn’t on their level (fucked up, right?).
Oh, it’s been an ego trip, for sure.
I’m not a shallow person. I live minimally and am grateful for how far I’ve come over the years. But let me tell you, Suzie – that was my Suzuki’s name – was a haunting reminder of my reckless twenties. After totaling a Jeep Cherokee (drunk texting), I financed Suzie at age 21 with no idea what I was getting into.
At age 29, despite my utter embarrassment for a car that I had long outgrown, I couldn’t bring myself to buy a new one. I would tell myself I wasn’t ready, or that I didn’t deserve a new car because I wasn’t financially stable. In fact, I’ve been absolutely terrified of the idea of financing another vehicle and had determined with certainty that I wouldn’t buy a new car until I had reached the “next phase” of my life, whatever that means.
Guess what, the next phase never came.
The Shift to a Take Action Mindset
All of a sudden, I became shockingly aware of my scarcity mindset. Suzie was a major mental barrier for me, and I wasn’t quite sure how to overcome her. Finally, I put my foot down, called out my own bullshit, stepped into my power and made some goddamn moves. It wouldn’t have happened any other way.
Here is a derelict's guide to buying a car (the sketchy miraculous way).
After some obsessive online searches for the perfect Jeep and around 10 hours of research, I walked into the dealership less than 24 hours after my decision to buy a car.
I wore skin tight, commando green pants the exact color of the Jeep I had picked out online (because I’m a badass) and boots designed for making deals. Bright eyed and massively empowered, I drove Suzie up to the lot without a doubt in my mind that we were breaking up for good.
Immediately greeted with an American Express gift card and about 12 eager salesmen, I was in business. The dealership had an in-house movie theater, massage room, full service café and all the bells and whistles you could dream of. There was even a mysterious older gentleman in a cowboy hat lurking in the corner with a belt that probably cost more than most of the floor models, just so you knew the place was legit.
Cutting to the chase, my salesman and I established a quick and intimate relationship as I confessed the circumstances in which I had planned to finance my Jeep. “My credit score is around 500, I have no downpayment and very little income to show.” Then I winked at him, cutely.
His face went blank.
Walking out of the finance office after running my reports, he shook his head in disappointment. “You had 16 consecutive late payments on your last vehicle. What the hell are you trying to pull here?” I shrugged and smiled without a flinch. Let’s not worry about the details, J.R., let’s just make this happen.
Here are the facts. My bank account has been in the negatives dozens of times over the course of this year and my credit history is absolutely atrocious. I cruised up to the dealership with no tricks up my sleeve, just raging confidence. Irresponsibly, impulsively and with blind faith, I took a giant leap. Faith trumps practicality, you guys.
With a stack of crystals in my bra – ‘cause I’m woo woo as fuck – I knew what my destiny was that day, regardless of circumstances. A few hours later, after being told about 82 times that I wasn’t qualified for an auto loan, I drove away in a commando green sex machine (and an interest rate that should be illegal, but I’ll deal with that another day).
Knock Down the Fucking Wall
Jen Sincero has an awesome personal story in her book You Are a Badass. She talks about driving up to the lot exactly like I did, without a penny to her name, and driving away with a car she wasn’t qualified at all to own. But she fucking bought it anyway, and against all odds, her life changed in an instant.
Raise your standards, and the universe will meet you there.
As Seth Godin says, “No one is going to pick you. Pick yourself.” I suffered for years with a poverty mindset and the limiting belief that I wasn’t good enough to have nice things. Waiting for a miracle to slap me in the face, it never came. At some point, I had to choose myself.
Buying this car was the most financially risky thing I’ve ever done (and trust me, I’ve done some stupid shit). It’s also one of the smartest decisions I’ve made, because it’s a lesson that barriers don’t actually exist, we create them.
Knock down the fucking wall. Kick it in. Blow it up with mental laser beams.
The only way forward is forward. Adelante!